Post by theblakeman on Jul 12, 2003 18:00:36 GMT -5
Here it goes, I need feedback:
There once was a girl,
Who lived in a beautiful mansion,
A mansion surrounded by a bustling city, which never rested.
The girl lived a life of luxury,
All the servants of her house were at her beck and call,
Though her Mother was deceased,
And her Father always engulfed in his endeavors,
She received anything she wished for…
All but one thing…
Of all the things available to her, she still felt as if she had nothing. Her Father, while rarely visiting her, always had an overly protective attitude towards her. He forbid her to leave their estate, for he was afraid that something might happen to her, as it was with his late wife. Even with his worries, he was still unable to make time for his daughter. He left her upbringing to her servants, but even they were not allowed to even speak with her longer than what was needed. The only link she had to the outside world was the gate in her front yard, which she would stare at the streets from every day.
She had once learned from a few of her servants that her Father acted the same way with her late Mother. Her Mother grew tired of being forced to stay inside of their grounds, even though her Father was afraid of the people outside.
Her Father told her once, when she was very little: “The place outside of our house- outside of our garden, outside of our front gate…is a world where only bad things happen. It’s the world that took Mama’s life away. She wanted to feel the outside, and she thought that it would be a wonderful place to be. But the people who live on those streets outside…they didn’t want her there. Mama wouldn’t listen to me when I said that the people outside hated us. But she found out. They didn’t like her…because she was from our house…and they did the same to other people like us. They don’t like you, either. You must never leave our house, because the people out there are monsters. Monsters who hate you, monsters who wish to eat you up!”
Even after he gave that speech to her, she simply couldn’t believe that it was really like what she’d been told. There was nothing more that she wanted than to see what the world outside her gate was like, to see if she could make friends, even after what her Father had said. Every night, from her window, she would pray for the chance to leave. Time passed, but her hope never faded. She continued to look out her front gate and longed for a chance to experience what life was like, just as her Mother had done before her death.
Soon came the day of her Mother’s anniversary. It had been one year. Proper respects were paid within the household. It was a rare occasion that her Father would sit down and speak to her. “I realize you do not see me often anymore. But there is someone new who leads our city, and he needs me to serve him. Someone who won’t let what happened to Mama happen again. He tells me that we are safe from those monsters outside. However, you must never leave our home, because the monsters still hate you.” He paused after saying this, and with a grim face, added: “I also found…that some of our servants are monsters. They tried to poison your water…but I made sure they could never harm you. Only the highest of our servants are allowed to tend to you. I won’t let anything happen to you, my sweet, sweet child.” He clung to her, and after letting go, he sent her back to her chambers.
Late that night, she could not sleep a wink. She sat at her open window, feeling the breeze of the wind, and watching the streets below. She watched the people, moving freely through the alleyways, going into any door they wished. After letting out a long sigh, she closed her eyes, squeezed her Mothers pendant, which was given to her before her death, and rested her head upon her hands. Suddenly, there came a strange noise to her ears. It was sounded like the soft ringing of bells, and it grew louder and louder. She opened her eyes and raised her head, and gazed upon a most unworldly thing. It was a fairy, one that was flying no more than arms length away. It possessed a somber beauty as it illuminated the surrounding darkness of night. Its hair was golden, and it wore an elegant white gown. The fairy flew closer to her, causing her to fall back. It was then that the fairy spoke…
“My sweet girl…what is it that your heart longs so dearly for?” asked the fairy.
She was still in disbelief over what was happening. After regaining her composure, she managed to give the answer to the fairy’s question. “I wish I could…I wish I could go outside! I wish I could play with the children that live there! I wish I could go through any street, and see any part of the city! I wish…I didn’t have to stay here all the time!”
The fairy replied, “But, your Father told you that there are monsters out there. Aren’t you afraid?”
Upon hearing this, she paused to think. “I…I wish to see it with my own eyes. Even if there are monsters…I wish to see them with my own eyes!”
“I see. You’re determined to see …it seems you’ve wanted to see it for a very long time now. If this is really what you desire, then I will grant your wishes…”
A feeling of joy swept through her, and she asked, “What must I do?”
“Gather whatever you wish to take with you to the outside. As soon as dawn breaks, you will be outside your gate. Do not worry, for the sentries will not come to look for you. You’re absence here will go assuredly go unnoticed…”
“That is all? That is all I must do?”
“Yes.” The fairy smiled and said, “Now, ready yourself for your leave.” Then, in a flash of light, the fairy was gone.
She gathered her things quickly before dawn broke-she changed her dress so that she would be able to move more easily; she took her handbag, filled with an abundance of money; and lastly, she took her Mother’s pendant and wore it around her neck.. She crept quietly through the corridors, trying not to wake any of the servants. She left out the back door, and went around through the garden to the front gate. She looked out at the street, filled with very few people. “There will be more people when day breaks!” she said happily to herself. She waited for around a half hour, until she could see light creeping over the building tops. There came a blinding flash of light into her eyes, and when her sight recovered, she was on the other side of the gate. She was finally on the outside…
More and more people flooded the streets, and the entire city began to awaken. There were shopkeepers, merchants, and knights, along with men, women, boys and girls. She felt sensational, as her eyes gazed at all these things, her ears filled with their sounds, and the feeling of her feet skipping along the cobblestones.
She walked along the street ways, until she came across a young, scrawny girl dressed in rags. The girl approached her and kneeled. “Please…food…I’m so hungry…”
She looked at the girl, who was begging at her knees, and couldn’t understand why she would do such a thing. “Have you not any money for food?”
“No…I’ve not a coin in my pocket…please, I’m so hungry…”
She looked around at all the shops nearby; she spotted a baker, and ran over to him. She bought a loaf of bread, and returned to the girl, who was still on her knees. The girl took the bread and began eating it quickly, as if it were going to escape from her if she did otherwise.
This was the first time she’d seen beggar, and it made her feel uneasy that the girl looked to be no more than her own age. After the bread was gone, she asked the girl, “What is your name?”
“Name…?” The girl stared back at her, blankly.
“If I know your name, perhaps we could be friends.”
“Friends…?”
“Don’t you wish to be my friend? I’ve never had a real friend before.”
“I…I can’t…” A look of despair came over the girl’s face.
“Eh? Why can’t you?”
“Because…you and I…” Her eyes shifted as she tried not to make eye contact. “You and I are…we’re not the same…”
“Not the same?” She was confused as to what the girl meant. She looked the same as her; her hair might have been different, and her clothes dirty and worn, but she didn’t look like anything “different” from her.
“We’re…different!” The girl rose to her feet and ran away through a crowd of people, until she could no longer be seen.
After the girl ran away, she sat against a wall for a moment. The girl was different from her, but she did not understand how. Thoughts of what her Father had said went through her mind. “Could it be that the girl was a monster? She did not look like a monster to me, and the only thing she ate was the bread I gave to her. She didn’t try to eat anyone else, and especially not me.” She thought about it for awhile, but then grew bored with her pondering. She continued on, hoping that her next encounter with someone would go better.
She came to a large fountain, one that was in a division area for all the other streets. She went up to the fountain and stared into the water. It sparkled beautifully from the sunlight. It was then she realized just how lucky she was, to be outside, seeing things she had never imagined before. She felt truly blessed.
There once was a girl,
Who lived in a beautiful mansion,
A mansion surrounded by a bustling city, which never rested.
The girl lived a life of luxury,
All the servants of her house were at her beck and call,
Though her Mother was deceased,
And her Father always engulfed in his endeavors,
She received anything she wished for…
All but one thing…
Of all the things available to her, she still felt as if she had nothing. Her Father, while rarely visiting her, always had an overly protective attitude towards her. He forbid her to leave their estate, for he was afraid that something might happen to her, as it was with his late wife. Even with his worries, he was still unable to make time for his daughter. He left her upbringing to her servants, but even they were not allowed to even speak with her longer than what was needed. The only link she had to the outside world was the gate in her front yard, which she would stare at the streets from every day.
She had once learned from a few of her servants that her Father acted the same way with her late Mother. Her Mother grew tired of being forced to stay inside of their grounds, even though her Father was afraid of the people outside.
Her Father told her once, when she was very little: “The place outside of our house- outside of our garden, outside of our front gate…is a world where only bad things happen. It’s the world that took Mama’s life away. She wanted to feel the outside, and she thought that it would be a wonderful place to be. But the people who live on those streets outside…they didn’t want her there. Mama wouldn’t listen to me when I said that the people outside hated us. But she found out. They didn’t like her…because she was from our house…and they did the same to other people like us. They don’t like you, either. You must never leave our house, because the people out there are monsters. Monsters who hate you, monsters who wish to eat you up!”
Even after he gave that speech to her, she simply couldn’t believe that it was really like what she’d been told. There was nothing more that she wanted than to see what the world outside her gate was like, to see if she could make friends, even after what her Father had said. Every night, from her window, she would pray for the chance to leave. Time passed, but her hope never faded. She continued to look out her front gate and longed for a chance to experience what life was like, just as her Mother had done before her death.
Soon came the day of her Mother’s anniversary. It had been one year. Proper respects were paid within the household. It was a rare occasion that her Father would sit down and speak to her. “I realize you do not see me often anymore. But there is someone new who leads our city, and he needs me to serve him. Someone who won’t let what happened to Mama happen again. He tells me that we are safe from those monsters outside. However, you must never leave our home, because the monsters still hate you.” He paused after saying this, and with a grim face, added: “I also found…that some of our servants are monsters. They tried to poison your water…but I made sure they could never harm you. Only the highest of our servants are allowed to tend to you. I won’t let anything happen to you, my sweet, sweet child.” He clung to her, and after letting go, he sent her back to her chambers.
Late that night, she could not sleep a wink. She sat at her open window, feeling the breeze of the wind, and watching the streets below. She watched the people, moving freely through the alleyways, going into any door they wished. After letting out a long sigh, she closed her eyes, squeezed her Mothers pendant, which was given to her before her death, and rested her head upon her hands. Suddenly, there came a strange noise to her ears. It was sounded like the soft ringing of bells, and it grew louder and louder. She opened her eyes and raised her head, and gazed upon a most unworldly thing. It was a fairy, one that was flying no more than arms length away. It possessed a somber beauty as it illuminated the surrounding darkness of night. Its hair was golden, and it wore an elegant white gown. The fairy flew closer to her, causing her to fall back. It was then that the fairy spoke…
“My sweet girl…what is it that your heart longs so dearly for?” asked the fairy.
She was still in disbelief over what was happening. After regaining her composure, she managed to give the answer to the fairy’s question. “I wish I could…I wish I could go outside! I wish I could play with the children that live there! I wish I could go through any street, and see any part of the city! I wish…I didn’t have to stay here all the time!”
The fairy replied, “But, your Father told you that there are monsters out there. Aren’t you afraid?”
Upon hearing this, she paused to think. “I…I wish to see it with my own eyes. Even if there are monsters…I wish to see them with my own eyes!”
“I see. You’re determined to see …it seems you’ve wanted to see it for a very long time now. If this is really what you desire, then I will grant your wishes…”
A feeling of joy swept through her, and she asked, “What must I do?”
“Gather whatever you wish to take with you to the outside. As soon as dawn breaks, you will be outside your gate. Do not worry, for the sentries will not come to look for you. You’re absence here will go assuredly go unnoticed…”
“That is all? That is all I must do?”
“Yes.” The fairy smiled and said, “Now, ready yourself for your leave.” Then, in a flash of light, the fairy was gone.
She gathered her things quickly before dawn broke-she changed her dress so that she would be able to move more easily; she took her handbag, filled with an abundance of money; and lastly, she took her Mother’s pendant and wore it around her neck.. She crept quietly through the corridors, trying not to wake any of the servants. She left out the back door, and went around through the garden to the front gate. She looked out at the street, filled with very few people. “There will be more people when day breaks!” she said happily to herself. She waited for around a half hour, until she could see light creeping over the building tops. There came a blinding flash of light into her eyes, and when her sight recovered, she was on the other side of the gate. She was finally on the outside…
More and more people flooded the streets, and the entire city began to awaken. There were shopkeepers, merchants, and knights, along with men, women, boys and girls. She felt sensational, as her eyes gazed at all these things, her ears filled with their sounds, and the feeling of her feet skipping along the cobblestones.
She walked along the street ways, until she came across a young, scrawny girl dressed in rags. The girl approached her and kneeled. “Please…food…I’m so hungry…”
She looked at the girl, who was begging at her knees, and couldn’t understand why she would do such a thing. “Have you not any money for food?”
“No…I’ve not a coin in my pocket…please, I’m so hungry…”
She looked around at all the shops nearby; she spotted a baker, and ran over to him. She bought a loaf of bread, and returned to the girl, who was still on her knees. The girl took the bread and began eating it quickly, as if it were going to escape from her if she did otherwise.
This was the first time she’d seen beggar, and it made her feel uneasy that the girl looked to be no more than her own age. After the bread was gone, she asked the girl, “What is your name?”
“Name…?” The girl stared back at her, blankly.
“If I know your name, perhaps we could be friends.”
“Friends…?”
“Don’t you wish to be my friend? I’ve never had a real friend before.”
“I…I can’t…” A look of despair came over the girl’s face.
“Eh? Why can’t you?”
“Because…you and I…” Her eyes shifted as she tried not to make eye contact. “You and I are…we’re not the same…”
“Not the same?” She was confused as to what the girl meant. She looked the same as her; her hair might have been different, and her clothes dirty and worn, but she didn’t look like anything “different” from her.
“We’re…different!” The girl rose to her feet and ran away through a crowd of people, until she could no longer be seen.
After the girl ran away, she sat against a wall for a moment. The girl was different from her, but she did not understand how. Thoughts of what her Father had said went through her mind. “Could it be that the girl was a monster? She did not look like a monster to me, and the only thing she ate was the bread I gave to her. She didn’t try to eat anyone else, and especially not me.” She thought about it for awhile, but then grew bored with her pondering. She continued on, hoping that her next encounter with someone would go better.
She came to a large fountain, one that was in a division area for all the other streets. She went up to the fountain and stared into the water. It sparkled beautifully from the sunlight. It was then she realized just how lucky she was, to be outside, seeing things she had never imagined before. She felt truly blessed.
