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Post by theblakeman on Jul 3, 2003 1:43:33 GMT -5
I R TEH POETIST CHECK IT OUTS
Swords are drawn;
their steel clashes;
the break of dawn;
nothing but ashes;
the village gone;
the children dead;
the ground covered and stained with red;
the crys have faded;
the battle lost;
their land and lives paid the cost;
ambition is jaded;
lust is sated;
for several years shall it last;
the eternal, unforgiving warpath.
-"Warpath", by Blake Foster
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Post by Nivoraw on Jul 3, 2003 15:30:58 GMT -5
That made me stop and feel sad for a moment there... And I rarely am overwhelmed in such emotion. Well done!
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Post by Gimdin7 on Jul 3, 2003 16:08:18 GMT -5
Pretty good.
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Post by theblakeman on Jul 3, 2003 16:13:21 GMT -5
Hey thanks! Yay! I made people feel emotion!
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Fredbez
RPG Townie
Satanist 0wnage
Posts: 694
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Post by Fredbez on Jul 3, 2003 16:18:00 GMT -5
yes it was...lovely
1 point in a poem like that you may want to concentrate on what your trying to say
not on making it regular and rhyme
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Post by Laralon the Mad Looter on Jul 3, 2003 17:05:10 GMT -5
CHECK THE SPELLING!!!
The poem was very good, though. Very professional and no "love-dove" rhyming. "Love-dove" rhyming is little-kid rhyming in a desperate attempt to make a crappy poem completely rhyme.
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Post by Chickensoupcheese on Jul 3, 2003 17:41:34 GMT -5
Sounds like the lyrics to a Genesis song, which is either good or bad depending on how you look at it  . The rhyming does cast a colloquial shadow over the poem: it seems a tad "campfire story"-esque to provoke any real emotion. I can see where you're coming from though, and the attempt is admirable. Like Fred said, (no rhyme intended) you should concentrate first on the content as opposed to the style. |
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Post by Sanovarak on Jul 4, 2003 11:26:57 GMT -5
Who's Blake? Doc stoles someone's poem!
Hehe. Kidding. ;D
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Link
RPG Townie
Ya well, you know what? Go suck a lime.
Posts: 702
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Post by Link on Jul 6, 2003 11:14:43 GMT -5
That was.........beautiful. It made me feel sad. If you said that with the Halo title screen music it make some people cry....mabey.
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